Top Stories for the Week of October 5-9, 2009

Here's something to try hard to believe while clapping your hands and tapping your heels together: the recession is over! "Google CEO Eric Schmidt used the opening moments of a New York City press conference to reinforce a message," reports All Things D. "The worst is over, things are looking up, and Google is spending accordingly." Yep, Google recently began hiring again and is looking for companies to buy, reports Bits Blog. Sort of. PaidContent clarifies that Google's "acquisitions will likely be small--involving 'startups with 5, 10 people'." And even though GOOG execs Schmidt and Sergei Brin were in NYC "to spread the word and count their gold bars," says Gawker, "national unemployment stands at 9.8 percent, and Alan Greenspan predicts the economy will just get worse and then stagnate for a good long while. But he cited absolutely zero Google statistics for his prediction, nor does he get free food and laundry and transportation and snacks." Also, in case you were worried Google is amassing vast power and will marshal the forces of Satan, Schmidt assured everyone "We have not yet found the evil room on our campus," according to TechCrunch. Phew. Whereupon Wall Street insiders offered to show Google their own evil rooms (heh, a joke).